That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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