Tell her she can't have a vagina
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize