i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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