Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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