Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
