I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
