Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
