I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
