Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
