life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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