DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
