if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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