either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
