When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
