areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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