She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
