your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
