actually, I'm a sock model
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
