i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
