Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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