If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your cock deserves a montage
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
