Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm too high and old for this...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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