I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
