Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
