My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
