My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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