dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
