I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
