dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
