Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
