i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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