apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
