Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
