so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
