): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
