glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
