I hate your face
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize