Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
