My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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