Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
