he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
