maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize