I think I won the penis lottery.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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