I heard we made out
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
