Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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