it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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