I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
