Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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