i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
too bad you live with your parents still
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
