I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
