My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He did a backflip because drugs
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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