Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize