Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
