This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize