Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
