just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
