ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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