She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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