A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
