take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
