rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
