Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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