worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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