It's like God shit irony all over that family
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
