Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
