the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
